Hey all, I don't normally stream news here but I thought Id make an exception:

Irvine, California- With over 11 million accounts fueling their pocket books Blizzard Entertainment announced today that it was purchasing the planet of Mars from Walmart for an estimated 2.3 Billion dollars with the intent to turn it into a real world Azeroth.

Walmart had been planning to use the planet as a launch-pad for their inter-galactic chain of stores, declaring in August that they had "conquered the feeble consumers of Earth and have now turned [their] intentions to the Universe," but cited a declining economy as a reason to not pursue that at this time.

Blizzard CEO Mike Morhaime released this statement Monday: "Blizzard and our partner companies have always looked for ways to raise our game to the next level. Recently Wrath of the Lich King became the most popular game in Earths history. To top that, we needed to do something big, nobody believed that a World of Warcraft expansion would do this well, nobody thought that a third RTS about the warcraft universe (Warcraft 3) would do as well as it did, but both times we showed a vision for the future and both times succeeded. Now we look to make history again, with the same spirit and vision we put towards all of our projects, we are pleased to announce that we have purchased Mars and will be turning it into a real life Azeroth."

The landmark move caused a flurry of questions that a Blizzard representative addressed yesterday: "To start, we need to make the air breathable, as well as build up a stronger atmosphere, and we will achieve this by literally covering the surface of mars with the seeds of plants that we know A) Can survive and thrive in the Carbon Dioxide rich atmosphere of Mars, and B) Can add the necessary amount of oxygen needed, and C) Can ultimately achieve the right balance of Carbon, Nitrogen, and Oxygen to support New Azeroth. We haven't finalized all of the plants that will be used to achieve this, but we know that for sure we will be using the alfalfa plant, for its amazing resilliance and relative Oxygen output, so we have begun mass producing alfalfa seeds."

Once the atmosphere is altered as such, Blizzard believes that the Ice caps at the North and South poles of Mars will melt. A NASA estimation in 2007 stated that there was enough water in these ice caps to cover all of mars in 11 meters of water. "Obviously we can't have the whole planet be water, thats where our "secret project" comes in", stated the Blizzard rep. For a few years people have been rumoring about a "secret project" that Blizzard has covertly been working on. "Our secret project is actually not a game at all, but rather an intergalactic spacecraft with a laser capable of altering the terrain of any planet roughly the size of the Earth... or in this case, Mars. The spacecraft is equipped with a Nitro-Gas-HyperTerminal-Electro Laser Firegun, or NiGHtELF. The NiGHtELF is capable of emitting a concentrated reverse particle acceleration grappling ray that can latch onto the surface of a planet in a beam about the size of Rhode Island and pull the ground upward." Blizzard plans on using this to raise the continent of Kalimdor and Eastern Kingdoms out of the soon-to-be-flooded planet of Mars.

This northern portion of Mars is soon to become Northrend

But dynamically reshaping the planet and creating a massive new atmosphere is only the easy part. From there Blizzard will have to create the subzones and creatures that make Azeroth what it is. "Perhaps one of our Biggest challenges will be the zones," said lead designer Jeff Kaplan, "Take Southern Kalimdor for example, you have a lush Forest in Un'goro, literally touching the barren wastes of Silithus, it won't be easy."

As for creatures, Blizzard has already begun genetically altering boars, wolves, bears, and the other creatures readily available on Earth to have their sight shortened to 6 feet. "If we want to mimic the aggro radius you see in game now, were gonna need to make these creatures next to blind." said Kaplan, "We will also have to feed them since they show no desire to hunt, as well as rotate them out for subs so that they can sleep." As for murlocs, naga, quilboars, centaurs, and the other humanoids not currently in existence "...for those, we will have to again, you guessed it, use genetic modification." He went on to say “we can really be a boon to humanity here, not only can we create awesome creatures in a real game, but we can use socially unwanted humans to do so, such as those living in Arkansas.”

The most difficult job, creature-wise, for Blizzard, will be replicating the demons seen through-out the game, but Blizzard already has a plan for that. “We have our research team already sorting through black magic, myths, mainstream magic and all sorts of paranormal magics… once we learn the magics secrets, we will begin using said magic recklessly.” Said designer Tom Chilton, “History tells us that using magic recklessly will attract demons from the far reaches of the universe, and once they are here, we simply capture them, reduce their sight to 6 feet, teach them their skills, like mana drain or cleave, and set them out there. The same technique should be easily applied to demon bosses as well.”

The biggest obstacle may yet be reviving players that have died, which Blizzard has ultimately said they have not yet figured out, but a Blizzard rep did say "We aren't gonna let a little thing like reincarnating the dead slow down blizzard Entertainment."

Blizzard also briefly outlined the log-in log-out processes that players will go through. “Every game copy sold will come with a personal shuttle pod that will take the player to one of four intergalactic space-stations located in New York, Germany, South Korea, and Australia. From there, players will board one of the ships that depart every two minutes to Mars. Once in orbit, your personal shuttle pod will have remembered where you logged out and take you there in no time. We believe that this whole process will take 8-11 minutes, and while that’s a substantial increase from what log in time is now, we believe players will respond favorably.”

When asked whether or not Outland could be added, another Blizzard rep said “That’s definitely in the cards, we have already drawn up plans to blow up Saturn by reversing the NiGHtELF. But while we think the lower right quadrant of Saturn would make a suitable Outland, we just don’t know at this point… that’s why we built an intergalactic spaceship instead of just an interplanetary one, so we can explore all the options.”

The announcement has drawn shrewd critics pointing out flaws at every turn, but CEO Mike Morhaime was not phased, “People laughed at us when we raised the level cap to 70, and that turned out great. Well those same people are laughing again, and you know what? I see good things to come.”

Despite the estimated 124 Quadrillion dollar price tag, Blizzard expects the monthly fee to remain at $15 a month.